Friday, March 25, 2011

car in shop

there is nothing occurring
just so-so - for there is time

the good today was short
and enough - more or less

tomorrow's service - will that
be enough - just a short time away

I can tell you are a mechanic
quick with wires and mesh

what instrument is your means
to fix the sensor - your department

while I censor the fix - and the waiting
words are my means - my morning

contrast something today
patiently - precise

I have waited for enough
the happier son sent

to the time department
while I write difficulty

later coming my posts
care and updates sold

a quick thanksgiving
that hours will be enough

coming for going
entirely waiting

finding the cause
for the waited day

somewhere an hour back circuit
not finding it in words either

* * * * *

This poem was written in response to a prompt to mix things up a bit using Poetry Toys at Big Tent Poetry. I ended up using the cut-up feature at Language is a Virus. I took one of my own blog entries, ran it through the Cut Up Machine, and then wrote the poem above. I'm not sure how successful the poem is, but it was fun to write using a technique I've never used before.

13 comments:

  1. Fix the censor, censor the fix...ha! I like this piece. The cut-up process worked well for you. Nicely done.
    ~Brenda

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yikes!
    My mind is spinning... or is that the poem?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mr. Walker, this process worked quite well, I love this,
    "coming for going
    entirely waiting"

    Pamela

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, I think the result is great! The senselessness of waiting and words and the questions that confound them. I read a lot into this poem, especially the ending.

    ReplyDelete
  5. It reads wonderfully well and sets a scene that feels both real and dreamlike.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I sense a tension behind this dreamlike sequence. My favourite line: words are my means - my morning

    ReplyDelete
  7. It felt dreamy, mystical to me...


    Here is mine:
    homing

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow, such nice comments!
    Brenda, thanks. I like that little wordplay too.
    Kim, it left me a little spinning as well, which is why I wasn't sure if it worked or not.
    Pamela, I like that stanza too, and it came entirely out of the cut up.
    Ami, your notion of "senselessness" captures what is going on in this poem, which made it difficult for me. Thanks for your comments.
    Tumblewords, "real and dreamlike" - appreciate that.
    Viv, I'm glad you liked that line; I hoped it would be evocative.
    Gautami, "mystical" - I like that. I'm going to have to reread it with that in mind.
    Thanks to all of for reading my poem and leaving such nice comments.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Isn't it amazing what the mind does to take what may seem as disorder and find order. I like how this found it's own rhythm.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Linda, yes, that's what was interesting about using the Cut Up Machine, trying to find meaning in all that disorder. Thank you for reading and commenting.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Interesting work. You've inspired me to try the cut up machine tool. I really enjoyed how this comes together, especially knowing it came from a different bit of writing. I especially liked this stanza:

    I can tell you are a mechanic
    quick with wires and mesh

    ReplyDelete
  12. I like these pairs:
    coming for going
    entirely waiting

    finding the cause
    for the waited day

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nan, thank you for your comments. Your poem, likewise, has inspired me to try the erasure website/technique.

    Yousei, thank you for your comments. The cut up technique helped me play with words - in this case, wait.

    ReplyDelete