Monday, May 02, 2011

The Deposition

it was simple really
he wanted revenge
the bitter thirst in his mind
the constant aching in his heart
was too much
for him to resist

he tried - he really did

he tried to train himself
to show the feelings
others thought he should feel

he tried to be true
to the beliefs, the hopes,
the visions he once had
of himself

he tried to be resilient
but he could not
find it within himself
and there was no one else
not one
to support him, to sustain him
through his grief

he sat there
the pulse at his temples
thrumming in his ears
while the lawyers
did their scribbling
on yellow legal pads

sometimes their voices
grew animated
aroused by some information
he gave them

and all he could think
of was the hillsides
where his children...

* * * * *

This poem was written in response to Wordle 2 at a wordling whirl of Sundays.

10 comments:

  1. A feeling of hopelessness pervades this piece. I'm left with anxiety for the children, wondering if they've been left in the hills(dead or alive). A chilling way to end, Mr. Walker. Well constructe wordle piece...so glad you're in our group.
    ~Brenda

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love the way you managed to fit in some of the "tricky" words: "lawyers did their scribbling" and "bitter thirst in his mind." And I love the way you used "train," so different from my interpretation!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I want to know more, Richard (now, I know your first name) This is perfectly written with mystery and suspense. Nicely, wordled words!
    Good to see you over at Brenda's site:)

    Pamela

    ReplyDelete
  4. Richard, this wordle was crafted seamlessly. I wouldn't even have known.... The story line was rivetting. I wanted it to continue so I'd know more.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brenda, yeah, I went to a dark place with this one; "revenge" is such a powerful word. Thanks for your kind words, and thanks for having me in your group; I'm honored.

    Marianne, thanks. I wasn't sure how I was going to use "train"; I love words like that in English that are nouns and verbs.

    Pamela, thank you. I'll take that as high praise that you want to know more. I'm glad to be over a Brenda's site. She used words from one of your poems and one of mine; how cool is that?

    Mary, now you and Pamela have got me thinking that there should be more to this story. Thanks for the kind words.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I actually like the open ending, I think it leaves the rest of the story to the readers' imaginations, which gives it a lot of power (that trailing off makes whatever happened feel very ominous). The narrative on the whole was very gripping.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Francis, thank you for your comments. I'm glad the ending worked; that's the effect I was going for.

    Richard

    ReplyDelete
  8. ouch! well written

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wonderful wordle. The only problem: I want more. Perhaps even a happy ending, though that seems unlikely.

    ReplyDelete
  10. lucychili, yeah, sorry about that - even I think this is a dark one.

    Viv, I left it hanging, so there might be a happy ending there, but...

    Richard

    ReplyDelete